Chapter 34:  Regret

 

“Roughed him up?”

James Norrington turned around at these words, setting the papers he was reading onto his desk.  It was the first time Jacqueline had spoken since seeing Jack.  Watching her face as she had seen her father’s battered and bloodied body had torn Norrington’s heart.  But Jack would survive.  With the proper care, he could nearly return to his former physical state, though there would forever be evidence of what Norrington had done to him.

“That wasn’t…he’s half-dead!”  Jacqueline hugged her knees to her chest.  Tear streaks were still on her cheeks, though her eyes had long been dry.  Norrington stood and approached Jacqueline, who was seated on his bed.  “What the bloody hell is your definition of a beating?” she asked quietly.  “And how could members of your crew do that?”

Norrington flinched as he sat down beside her on the bed.  “If I had known…”  He wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head.  Jacqueline curled up against Norrington’s body, searching for comfort.  Norrington held her close to him for a few silent moments before saying, “It is getting very late.  You should get some rest.”  Norrington gently retracted his arm from Jacqueline and stood, tugging at the sheets of his bed.

“What—?”

“Are we going to have this conversation again?” Norrington asked with a small smile.  “Into the bed.”

“Aren’t you still working?” Jacqueline asked, looking at his desk.  Norrington flinched when he realized that the penknife was in plain sight.

“No, not really.”

“You don’t mind?”

Norrington arched his eyebrow.  “Mind?”

“Silly question,” Jacqueline said with a little laugh.

Norrington had never felt more awkward climbing into bed with Jacqueline before, which was rather peculiar given that he was risking death each time he did so aboard the Flying Dutchman.  The two had spent many nights together on the Dutchman, yet there had never been anything truly uncomfortable about it.

Jacqueline appeared to be completely unaware of how Norrington was feeling.  She again curled up against his body, just as on the cold nights when they had been defying Lord Beckett.  Norrington wrapped an arm around her hesitantly, his heart pounding.

“Goodnight, James,” Jacqueline said quietly, sighing contently.

Norrington ran a hand gently through her hair.  “Sweet dreams, Jacqueline.”

He felt Jacqueline shift her body closer to him.  “I hope so…but my father…”

“Will be fine,” Norrington whispered, kissing Jacqueline’s forehead.  “Do not dwell on it.”  Guilt ate at Norrington’s stomach, and combined with his love’s body pressed against him, he feared that he would never get to sleep that night.  He concentrated on Jacqueline’s rhythmic breathing as she began to drift off to sleep…

Norrington opened his eyes and was instantly aware that something was different.  He sat up and looked around.  Where was Jacqueline?  He feared for a moment that their reunion had been nothing more than a dream, but he knew that it could not be.  His dreams last night had been nightmares.  He glanced at the area of the room that he had beat Jack in, guilt again gnawing at him.

Norrington dressed quickly, stashing the penknife into his coat after putting on his hat.  He walked swiftly up onto the deck, wondering where Jacqueline had gone.  Panic struck him as he glanced around and failed to find her.  “Oh, God,” he muttered, realizing where she was likely to go.  He turned to make his way down to the brig.

“Ah, Admiral!”

Norrington turned back to see Captain Gillette coming down the stairs from the helm.  But the Captain was not alone.  Jacqueline was on his arm.  Norrington sighed in relief and realized that his hands were shaking.  He had been so worried that Jacqueline would had gone to speak to her father, that she would have discovered what he had done.  “Thank you for entertaining her, Captain.”  Norrington eyed Gillette suspiciously as he noticed that the Captain seemed to be hesitant to part from Jacqueline.  Norrington took Jacqueline’s arm almost forcefully and quickly led her away from Gillette.

“You seem to be in a hurry,” Jacqueline said under her breath.

Norrington chuckled.  “Gillette seemed a bit too attached to you, love.”

“Oh?  I didn’t notice.”

“Did you sleep well last night?” Norrington asked, noting the bitterness in his love’s tone of voice.

“No, not really,” Jacqueline admitted.

“You could go back to bed, love,” he said, stroking her cheek.

“I’ll just have nightmares again,” Jacqueline said with a slight shake of her head, detaching herself from Norrington and leaning out onto the railing of the vessel.  Norrington gazed at her sadly.

Wrapping an arm about her shoulders, Norrington asked, “Would you like to talk about it?  It can help make unwanted dreams go away.”  Jacqueline shook her head.  “Are you sure?  We can go to my quarters and discuss it, if you wish,” Norrington offered, looking around at the crew.

Jacqueline allowed Norrington to guide her back to his quarters.  When Norrington sat beside her on the bed, she shifted away.  Norrington wondered why she had not been this nervous the night before, as Norrington had been.  It was not as though anything of that particular nature would happen.  Norrington coughed as he wrapped an arm around Jacqueline.  She hesitated for a moment before leaning back into him.

“You’re shaking,” Norrington commented quietly as he held Jacqueline close to him.  He kissed her ear and felt a shiver shoot through Jacqueline’s body.  “Was the nightmare that horrible, love?”

Jacqueline took a deep breath.  “Yes.”

“What happened?” Norrington whispered, running a hand through her hair.

“Never mind,” Jacqueline said.  “It’s not as though it could really happen…and I doubt you really want to hear it.”

Norrington took her hand and pressed his lips to the soft skin.  “I’ll still listen.  I hate to see you having disturbing dreams, love, and talking should help.”

“I…well…”  Jacqueline looked about the room.  “It was in here.”  Norrington unwittingly glanced at the wall Jack’s blood had recently stained.  His own nightmare had taken place in here.  “You were here—there—so was my father.”  Norrington’s heart skipped a beat.  Surely Jacqueline had not had a dream revealing the truth behind her father’s condition.  No, of course not, he was being silly.  “There was a knife…a penknife…you were…”  Jacqueline shuddered.  “It was horrible.”  Norrington swallowed with difficulty as she continued.  “I suppose I saw the penknife on your desk and—.”  She paused.  “Oh.  I must have been mistaken; there isn’t a knife there.  But, in the dream, you were…”

“I was harming your father,” Norrington finished quietly.  Jacqueline nodded.  “There was indeed a penknife on that desk, love.”  He slowly withdrew the blade from his coat and held it in Jacqueline’s vision.  Norrington’s heart leapt into his throat as Jacqueline’s body tensed and she tried to pull away from him.

She knew.

“Oh, my God, it’s true,” she said, her voice quavering.  “Mon Dieu,” she gasped, closing her eyes as Norrington held onto her tightly.

“You talked to Jack, didn’t you?”  Jacqueline did not move nor reply.  “I told you not to.”

“For his health,” Jacqueline said quietly.  “Which was obviously a lie.”  She tried pulling away again, but Norrington kept his grip around her waist firm.  “I can’t believe you did that,” Jacqueline said shakily.  “And I can’t believe that I shared your bed…was I next?  Am I next?”

Norrington’s mouth dropped open in horror.  “I would never hurt you, Jacqueline,” he replied in dismay at what she had said.  Jacqueline looked at the penknife apprehensively.

“You’re going to kill him, aren’t you?” she asked, her voice trembling.

“No…Jacqueline, please, let me explain,” Norrington said quickly.

“Explain?” Jacqueline repeated in disbelief.  “Nothing can explain that, Admiral!”  Norrington winced at her use of his title.  Jacqueline struggled against his grip again.  “Let me go!” she yelled.  Norrington dropped the penknife down onto the bed and used his now free hand to cover her mouth as he glanced at the door.

“Shh…Jacqueline, love, please…”

Jacqueline hit his hand away and twisted out of his arms, slapping him and grabbing the penknife from the bed.  Before Norrington could react, she had rolled on top of him, straddling him and pinning him to the bed while holding the penknife to his throat.

“Why?” she hissed.

Norrington gazed up at Jacqueline in shock, cringing as he felt the blade of the penknife against his neck.  He had somehow forgotten how dangerous Jacqueline could be.  “For you,” he breathed.

“Excuse me?” Jacqueline said disbelievingly.  “I don’t recall asking you to torture my father.”  Norrington saw a flash of metal and then felt a sharp pain.  Something warm was on his face.  “Try again,” she hissed.

“I thought Jack was the reason you became a pirate,” Norrington explained.

“He was,” Jacqueline confirmed, obviously not understanding how that had any bearing on the situation.

“But I did not know that your father was not a pirate of his own free will.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Jacqueline asked in annoyance.

“I thought he was the one who caused your life of suffering…your death,” Norrington finished with difficulty.

“My ‘life of suffering’?” Jacqueline repeated softly.

“You deserve the fairy tale life…not Elizabeth.”

Norrington was surprised to feel the blade slice his cheek after this statement, but he did not protest.  Let her do with him what she desired—he probably deserved it.  “Couldn’t wait to bring her up, could you?” Jacqueline snarled.

“What are—?”  The glint in her eyes was somehow different now.  She was…jealous?  “No, I wasn’t bringing her up, not like that, I was just…”

“Comparing me to her, as usual,” Jacqueline spat.

Norrington winced at the harshness of Jacqueline’s voice.  “Yes,” he admitted.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!”

“I suppose you didn’t mean to beat my father, either,” Jacqueline said angrily, and Norrington flinched again.  “You’re a treacherous ass, you know that?”

Norrington swallowed hard.  “Jacqueline, please…”

“Please, what?” Jacqueline asked, her eyes flashing.

Norrington found that he could say nothing.  Nothing could make up for what he had done.  Yes, he had believed that he had been doing it for her, he had believed it was right—but that did not make it true.  The pain in Jacqueline’s eyes was too much for him to bear.

“How could you do that?” Jacqueline asked him quietly.  “You are the only man I’ve ever truly trusted.  And then you…you…”

“I am so sorry,” Norrington interrupted.  “I never wanted to hurt you, Jacqueline.  I would never do anything to hurt you, not purposefully.  Please believe me.”  Jacqueline’s eyes softened.  “I would do anything for you.  I love you.”

Jacqueline gazed at Norrington silently as she captured his eyes and seemed to study his soul.  “You really did believe it was for me.”

“You have no idea how I regret it…and I can never ask your forgiveness.  I don’t deserve it.”

“You’re damn right, you don’t,” Jacqueline replied coldly.  Norrington closed his eyes, prepared for her to strike him or knife him again.  But instead he felt a soft cloth against his cheek.  Opening his eyes, he saw that Jacqueline was gently cleaning the wounds she had made.  “But it’s so bloody hard to hate you,” she said quietly, setting down the knife and folding the cloth to reveal a clean area to continue wiping Norrington’s blood from his face.  “And you did believe that it was for me…though it wasn’t,” she said sharply as he eyes flashed.

Norrington nodded silently as he sat up the best he could with Jacqueline still straddling him.  Norrington tried to move slowly and keep from making any move that Jacqueline could perceive as threatening.  Realizing the awkward position she had put Norrington in, Jacqueline started to move off of him, but stopped as Norrington leaned forward and kissed her gently.

He pulled back quickly, gauging her reaction and fully expecting to be struck.  But she simply stared at him in surprise.  “I am so sorry for what I did,” he said earnestly.

When Jacqueline did nothing to protest, Norrington leaned forward and kissed her again.  She did not pull away.  His heart pounded as he wrapped his arms around his love and held her close, his mouth exploring hers fervently.  He moved to press his lips to her neck, trailing down the soft flesh.

“James…”

Oh, how he loved the sound of his name on Jacqueline’s lips.  He moved back up to her mouth, capturing her lips in his again, and was delighted when she began to respond passionately.

We really don’t fight properly, Norrington thought with amusement.

“I haven’t forgiven you, you know,” Jacqueline breathed.

Norrington smiled against her mouth.  “I know.”

Norrington slowly leaned back onto the bed, pulling Jacqueline down on top of him.  His breath quickened as he held Jacqueline closer to his body, and his hands began to run down her back, over her curves, and he shivered as he responded to the intimate contact.  He had never felt like this…

There was a sharp knock at the door.

Norrington would likely have ignored the sound if Jacqueline had not suddenly rolled off of him.  He growled a little in disappointment and anger at the interruption before taking a few deep breaths to help him regain his senses.  Jacqueline hugged her knees to her chest and leaned against the headboard, her face flushed.  It took another knock to prompt Norrington to climb off the bed.  He quickly straightened his coat before opening the door.  “Yes?”

Captain Gillette was apparently more intelligent than he often appeared.  Norrington had hardly opened the door before the Captain was blushing and apologizing profusely for the interruption.  “But we are coming up on the Black Pearl, sir,” he said after his fourth apology.

Norrington’s eyes flashed.  “Already?  Surely we cannot have caught up to them so quickly.”

“They appear to be heading our way, sir.”

Norrington’s eyes narrowed as he wondered why.  He looked back at Jacqueline, who was watching him with her maddeningly unreadable gaze.  “When will we overtake them?”

“Quite soon, sir.  Admiral, are you all right?”  Gillette drew a finger across his cheek to show that he was referring to the cuts on Norrington’s face.

Norrington nodded.  “I’m fine.  I want you to have someone bring Jack here, and then post guards at the door as a precaution.  I don’t want Jacqueline injured during the battle.”

“Battle?” Jacqueline repeated, sliding off of the bed and approaching the two.

“Make sure everyone knows that we give no quarter.”

Gillette nodded.  “Yes, sir.”

“What?” Jacqueline gasped as Gillette walked away.  Norrington noticed Jacqueline watch Gillette walk away with a hint of sadness in her eyes.

Norrington stroked her cheek and she looked back to him.  “I know you liked the Pearl, love, but I’m afraid that it would be far too dangerous to attempt to take the ship by hand.”  Norrington kissed her gently before turning to leave.

“But…Elizabeth is on there.”

Norrington turned back, eyebrows raised.  “Jacqueline, do you honestly believe that I am still in love with her?”  He shook his head with a small smile.  “I love you, Jacqueline.  I do not care for Elizabeth.  And I know that you do not either.”  His eyes narrowed slightly.  “Could you perhaps be worried about a certain one-eyed ‘friend’ of yours?”  Jacqueline’s mouth opened slightly in surprise, but she remained silent.  “I thought so.”  James stepped closer to her.  “Lord Beckett is not the only man who can be jealous,” he said softly.

“James…”

Norrington kissed her again.  “I’m going to make sure you are never hurt again, Jacqueline.  Pirates can’t hurt you if they’re dead.”

Jacqueline stared after him in shock as he left.  The look seemed to drive a knife through Norrington’s heart.  But she would understand—he was doing this for her.

All that he did was for her.