My best friend called me this morning crying. She told me that her fiance's mother called her and told her to call her mother to come to her house. The first reaction she had was to ask if her fiance was okay. But his mother would not say anything. She just repeated that she needed to get her mother. I know she made the right decision to wait for my friend to be with her mother because the news was not good, and I don't think it would have been good for her to hear the news when she was alone.

Her fiance and a good friend of mine through her, had died in a car accident last night. He had been drinking with friends and they lost control of the car on the way home. None of them in the car made it. So I feel the need to tell people not to drink and drive. My friend died because of that mistake. And I don't want any other friends to die for the same reason.

It seems any time I am offline for a while, I miss something huge. Something that causes, yet, more drama. I have no idea what is going on, but I learned there may be something more from one of Leila's blogs. I am so confused.

I have been working the past couple days and things have been crazy. To a point where there was no time for me to pull away to even help some of my other patients. Emergencies happen and unfortunatly I feel as if I ignore some people when they do. I know it can't be helped and they do too. However it also causes me to be away from computers and chats. Then I miss everything.

The first time this happened it involved the betrayal of someone I once thought to be a close friend. After resoving that issue, it happens again. I am insulted on a public forum for no reason and then everything pushed aside. I wasn't even there and I ended up being pulled into it by someone who didn't belong there to begin with. Next thing I know, my mod job is gone (whatever it's nothing I care about now). Now in my mind everything is over. I am just letting things go. They can blow over and we will see what happens from then on. But I am so lost as to what has happened now. I know little information and I hope to figure it out soon. I hate when close friends are being attacked and I get the sense that it is happening again.

I just thought I would get that out there and hope nothing else happens while I am away.

Well, FanNation is supposed to open tomorrow. *big sigh* I had been debating this site for a while now. So much drama has happened and it makes me question the leadership. Well they pushed me to a final decision. Why bother joining? The people running it have proven to be hypocrits and liars and everyone else (meaning some other mods - not giving names)? Mindless drones.

I once had great respect for the people in charge. And then one of them blew up. Well, I thought things were patched up and all that. Then I learn that I have been booted from being a Mod on the site. I hear this at random, and nobody was bothering to tell me about it. What!? Then there is a long discussion about whether or not this is true. Do these people even talk to each other? Well, whatever. I have made my decision and I am sticking too it.

I am not looking forward to it in the least. I don't like the people in charge and I am not wanting to deal with all of them.

I mean seriously, I am a mod one minute and then not the next. It would have at least been nice for someone to let me know that instead of hearing it at random. It doesn't matter. I'm not particularly interested in being a mod at that site anyway. How am I expected to work with people who I can't trust or even respect? As far as I'm concerned the site doesn't really exist in my book. The whole thing was blown out of proportion and people got involved who shouldn't have been involved. I had thought I worked things out with Daring, but apparently not. I don't like people who talk behind my back and act all friendly. That is not someone I want to work with. I've had enough of the liars and hypocrits in charge of this site.

To be perfectly honest, if I am being kicked out of being a mod for what had happend a while earlier I think all parties should be. Including Daring! If Me and another person (I will not name just incase she doesn't want to be) are losing that job for what we said, Daring should too. That would be fair. Anyway, I thought I would let people know that I do not intend to be on this site. You can catch me pretty much anywhere else.

As I have also said some of this in the Fanlib Refugee forums you might catch that there. I am tired of the liars I have had to deal with from day to day. Whether some people agree or not, this is my decision. I have too much to keep up with anyway and FanNation is the last place I want to go. 

~Beauty

PS. If you have something mean to say, don't bother. That is what started all of this to begin with. People telling us we don't have a right to rant, well I am going to. Think of me how you want. I speak my mind and don't care what people think. True friends stand by you through everything and don't lie to you behind your back.

As people may have noticed, I have a new banner. I wanted one with Peter in it and I was actually able to make one. I ended up putting a lot of random Prince Caspian quotes in the banner if anyone was wondering what all of the wording was. There are many from different characters. Unfortunatly, I can't make a banner that is actually the length I need it to be. *shrugs*

 What do you think of the new banner. I always feel I am horrible at making banners and such so I would love some opinions.

Just a random thought about the pain scale we use at the hospital. We have a 0-10 scale that the patient choose from. 0 being none and 10 being worst possible. We also have to ask their goal. Which is what level they want to be at to function. I am surprised that most patients give a 2 or 3 as a level. I was accepecting everyone to be 0.

Then I thought about it, everyone has a little pain all of the time. I mean, sitting up in a chair my back hurts some. Not enough to stop me from doing anything. It is just how it is. Pain is part of everyday life. And interestingly enough, most people realize that, after surgery, there is going to be some pain. Again, just a random thought.

So just to throw in some information about what Epic is exactly. Epic is a computer program that is starting to be used in many hospitals. It is supposed to make things easier to find and it will help to pull up patient information without having to search through the chart. It is a great new thing we are working on getting at my hospital and I'm sure it will be great when it is in use.

When it comes to the classes. . . Ugh! It's not that they are really bad, but if you are even someone computer literite, it is so boring. I don't understand how you have to spend 20 minutes to teach how to drag a patient name into a folder. But we did. I have been spending a lot of time just online and talking during the class, because I don't know what else to do. Am I just that computer savvy? I don't know. Maybe.

Well, I have this class today and I am hoping that things will get a bit more interesting than just finding patients in the system. I want to get to the things like pulling up x-rays and putting in orders. Things I will actually be doing on the Ortho floor. However I hear that you do a lot of things that probably don't apply to everyone. Such as finding telemetry slips in the charts. I won't be looking at those kind of things. *sighs* I just felt the need to rant a bit about the horribly boring class. At least I get paid to be here.