Dealing with autism has its share of rewards and despair. There are days when everything would go according to the plan and daily schedule that have been set. Some days, though, are just so hard that you yourself would wish you could just crawl back into bed. But life goes on, as they say. Still, there are many ways on how to cope as a parent of an autistic child. The first ideal thing to do is join a support group for parents with autistic children. If you are worried about finding such a support group in your local area, well, do not be. You will surely find a support group very easily. Do not think that you are the only parents who have autistic children because there are indeed others going through the same situation in your local area. And these parents make the best confidantes because they can truly mean it when they say that they know and understand what you are going through. It really helps to just have someone to talk to, you know. They would not even have to say anything. It is their presence that makes all the difference, to know that someone cares enough to listen to your plight and empathize with you. Plus, these parents can even share how they go about their everyday routines. Their suggestions can even bring about a world of difference for you. Another thing that you can try is keeping a journal. A journal can definitely do wonders for your coping with the situation. When you have a journal handy, you can just let everything out and jot down your thoughts and feelings on those empty pages. Dealing with autism can be very frustrating at times, and you cannot lash this all out on your child because no one is to blame for this challenging situation at all. Still, human as you are, you just might feel frustrated at times. With a journal, you have your very own space to vent. Your journal can then become your source of relief from all the stress entailed in the situation. Lastly, you should know when to ask for help. It is understandable for every parent to want to deal with their problems on their own. However, autism can demand so much from you that there just may be a need to ask for help from professionals who are trained to deal with such cases. Do not get all frazzled by the concept of asking for help. You have to accept the fact that you cannot do this on your own. This is indeed essential when you want to know just how to cope as a parent of an autistic child. Are you looking for more understanding about AUTISM? Perhaps you have a loved one who has autism or you are taking care of an autistic child? It is vital to have a good knowledge of autism and how to live with an autistic loved one. Symptoms Of Autism is a comprehensive resource with lots of information on Autism. SIBLINGS AND AUTISM This section offers suggestions to parents about ways to help the other children in the family cope gracefully and effectively with the experience of having a brother or sister with autism. Research indicates that the majority of brothers and sisters of children with autism cope well with their experiences. That does not mean, however, that they do not encounter special challenges in learning how to deal with a sibling who has autism or a related disorder.
Raising a child with autism places some extraordinary demands on parents as individuals and on the family as a whole. Prime among these demands is the lack of enough hours in the day to do all one wishes. The time involved in meeting the needs of a family member with autism may leave parents with little time for their other children. Many parents indicate that even as they do all they can for their child with autism, they are always struggling with how best to respond to the needs of the family as a whole. They say that although their own life as an individual may be put "on hold" and a couple may share an understanding of the need to make sacrifices on behalf of their child with autism, few parents are willing to make that same demand of other children in the family. As a result, there is a continual tension between the needs of the child with autism and the other children. There are special demands on siblings, and learning how to manage these demands will make their childhood easier and will teach them skills that will make them more effective and resilient adults. The most important teachers of these coping skills are a child's mother and father. The gifts you give to your youngsters in childhood will serve them immediately, and in all the years ahead.
Sources of Stress for Siblings
There are also potential sources of stress for siblings. Not all siblings will experience these issues, but here are some to be aware of:
Embarrassment around peers; jealousy regarding amount of time parents spend with their brother/sister
Frustration over not being able to engage or get a response from their brother/sister Being the target of aggressive behaviors Trying to make up for the deficits of their brother/sister Concern regarding their parents stress and grief Concern over their role in future caregiving Many of the suggestions provided here are things that parents can do within the family to help a child understand what autism is all about, to improve the interactions among the children in the family, and to ensure that brothers and sisters grow up feeling they have benefited from the love and attention we all need. Explaining Autism to Children
Common sense tells us and research supports the idea that children need to understand what autism is all about. The rule of thumb: Do it early and do it often! It is important that your children know about autism and that the information you give them is appropriate for their developmental age. From early childhood, they need explanations that help them understand the behaviors that are of concern to them. For the preschool, child this may be as simple as "Rick doesn't know how to talk," while for the adolescent, it may involve a conversation about the possible genetics of autism.
The key is to remember to adjust your information to your child's age and understanding. For example, very young children are mostly concerned about unusual behaviors that may frighten or puzzle them. An older child will have concerns of a more interpersonal nature, such as how to explain autism to his or her friends. For the adolescent, these concerns may shift to the long-range needs of their sibling with autism and the role they will play in future care. Every age has its needs, and your task is to listen carefully to your child's immediate concerns.
Another key to success is to remember that children need to be told about autism again and again as they grow up. Young children may use the words they hear us use, but not understand the full meaning of those words until they are much older. Don't be misled by a young child's vocabulary of words like "autism" or "discrete trial." That does not mean the terms have real meaning for him or her. Just as you would not expect an early conversation about the obvious physical differences between boys and girls to constitute a sufficient sex education for children 5 or 10 years later, similarly, you must explain again and again, in increasingly mature terms, what autism is all about.
Helping Your Children Form a Relationship
Because of the nature of autism, it is usually difficult for a young child to form a satisfying relationship with a brother or sister who has the disorder. For example, your child's attempts to play with his/her brother are probably rebuffed by his ignoring her, fall flat because of his lack of play skills, or end abruptly because his tantrums are frightening. How many of us would keep trying to form a friendship with someone who turned her back when we spoke to her or, even worse, seemed angry when we approached? It is not surprising that young children may become discouraged by the reactions they encounter and seek their playmates elsewhere.
The good news is that young children can be taught simple skills that will enable them to engage their brother or sister in playful interactions. Research has shown that siblings can learn basic teaching strategies to engage their brother or sister with autism. These skills include things like making sure they have their brother's attention, giving simple instructions, and praising good play. One research study showed that videotapes made before and after the children learned these skills showed in a very touching manner that, after training, they played together more and seemed much happier than they had been prior to training.
Special Times Along with ensuring that the child with autism is a fully integrated member of the family; it is important to remember that other children in a family need their times to be special. Families are often urged to find some regular, separate time for the children in their family who do not have autism. It may be one evening a week, a Saturday morning, or even a few minutes at bedtime each night. If your child with autism has a home-based program or exhibits serious management problems, you will have neither the stamina nor the energy to give your other child exactly the same amount of attention. It is not necessary that everything in childhood be exactly the same. What is important is the opportunity to feel special to your parents and to feel that there is an overall atmosphere of equity in your home.
Not Everything as a Family
There are activities that should be shared by the entire family and times that should not. Along with having regularly scheduled special times for each child, it is also important to remember that there will be some events when one child in the family deserves to be the focus of everyone's attention. Children have told us that it is sometimes frustrating to have to do everything with their brother or sister with autism. In fact, there may be times when it may not be fair to insist that he or she be included. For example, if your child with autism cannot sit still for a school play, then it may be better if he or she stayed home when your other child performs.
Adult Siblings
Being the brother or sister of a person with autism does not end with childhood. These are lifetime relationships that mature and grow over the years. The concerns of an adult sibling will be different from those of children. For the young adult, questions may focus on his/her own plans to have children and concern about whether there is a genetic component in the autism of their sibling. In some cases, young adults may also feel a keen sense of responsibility for their brother or sister with autism that makes it difficult for them to leave home and begin an independent life.
It is important that parents discuss with their adult children the expectations they have in caring for the person with autism, as well as reassuring them about the legitimacy of their assuming their own role as adults.
The questions of the role of the adult child become most acute as parents age and begin to anticipate the point when they will no longer have the stamina to continue to care for their child with autism. If the person with autism is not already living outside of the home, this may be a time when placement in a group home or supervised apartment becomes important. In those families where such care is necessary, adult children and parents must together address the question of who will assume guardianship for the person with autism when the parents die.
It is not easy for any of us to talk about our own death, and both you and your child may shy away from the conversation. Nonetheless, your adult children need to understand the financial plans you have made, the care arrangements in place, and your own expectations for them. Having these difficult conversations will ultimately be a gift to your adult children who will know that they can honor your wishes.
Sibling Groups and Other Resources
A problem frequently reported to clinicians by siblings is a sense of isolation. An ideal means of combating this isolation is to help the sibling connect with other siblings of children with autism. Peer support groups for siblings of children with autism and related disorders are becoming more available.
The Sibling Support Project of The Arc of the United States, based in Seattle, Washington, is one example. They offer a range of information on siblings of children with disabilities, including: reading lists for children and adults, information on local sibling group meetings, information on facilitating sibling discussion groups, or online resources. The New Jersey Center for Outreach and Services for the Autism Community (COSAC) matches siblings with pen pals around the country as well as internationally. Online resources are also available. For example, a chat room for siblings of children with disabilities, called "SibChat," meets periodically. A final resource to consider for siblings, particularly for those who are experiencing difficulty in adapting to the disability, would be individual counseling.
Most Siblings Cope Very Well
While growing up as the sibling of someone with autism can certainly be trying, most siblings cope very well. It is important to remember that while having a sibling with autism or any other disability is a challenge to a child, it is not an insurmountable obstacle. Most children handle the challenge effectively, and many of them respond with love, grace and humor far beyond their years.
Sibling Rivalry Sibling rivalry is a normal healthy part of any family group, the issue arise when you have a special needs child such as one with autism. We are given more then ample information on helping our child with autism and helping ourselves adjust to parenting them, but what about the siblings? What help is there for them? What is there to teach them how to cope and understand why their brother or sister is different and why the autistic child receives so much attention for things the siblings may feel is improper behaviour. Parents need to take an active role in helping children to cope with having an autistic sibling. Siblings of the autistic child may feel left out or that their parents love them less as a result of all the attention needed to help the autistic child with daily living. There may arise issues with jealousy if the sibling does not understand why the parents attention and assistance is needed so greatly by the autistic child. Another issue of stress for the non-affected child may be with their peers. Though they are not the ones who have autism they may find themselves at the receiving end of ridicule and schoolyard teasing. This will often cause even further resentment of the autistic child. Though sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up, a parent with a special needs child needs to take special care with the siblings to ensure resentment and possibly hatred do not arise. Autism affects everyone in the family, and every child or parent associated with autism needs to be taught and helped to adjust to having an autistic loved one. |