Have you ever wanted to get answers to all those really important everyday dilemmas? How do you get round those awkward social moments when the floor swallowing machine is yet to be created? Who do you turn to when you’re not sure how much longer you can carry on in your job that relies entirely upon the subject you made up as a degree on your CV? Well panic no more! Just ask me….

Q. My flatmate has recently taken up the electric guitar and has just purchased a new amp. As my room is above his and my 6am-start-joyous job means I don’t get the luxury of an all day lie in; how can I politely tell him to keep it down if he starts to play AC/DC at 4am?

A. I would suggest earplugs, they are the solution to many of the World’s problems and are commonly used in house situations when someone (usually a completely tone deaf insomniac) decides to express their endearing creativity through music.

Q. I am going to several festivals this summer and only have one pair of wellies to get me through the mud and empty beer bottle flooring. How do you suggest that I keep them protected so that they successfully survive this period?

A. More than likely, the main reason you are asking me this is because the price of a festival ticket is now similar to the cost of a small pacific island and therefore even if you wanted to buy another pair your bank balance would say otherwise. Never mind wear and tear though, if you aren’t wearing your boots at all times (this includes sleeping) then I guarantee one of two things will happen; a) you will wake up in the morning to find that your next door tent neighbour (the one with the falling apart trainers) has miraculously purchased a new pair of wellies that coincidently are the same pattern and colour as your beloved lost ones or b) someone under the influence will mistake your footwear for a portacabin loo.

Q. I frequently travel home in the rush hour and have to endure a half an hour tube journey with my head in someone’s armpit and a loss of feeling in my arm after hanging on for dear life to the overhead railing so as to avoid the inevitable domino effect that would occur if I lost my grip. Is there anything I can do to make this daily routine even slightly less painful?

A. To be frank, I can’t see why you’re complaining. Firstly, any armpit odour will surely just help shift that niggling hayfever and once winter hits, that pesky cold too. Secondly, you always have the option of the bus, car and, dare I say it, walking. The London underground is an experience full of wonderfully awkward eye contact moments and encourages everyone to learn about sharing their two centre-meters of personal space.